tonight i am trying to understand the why's and how's of things happening. long story short in the past week, we as a family, have encountered hate, anger, abuse, lies and hurt, all these just from family. so as i am writing this post i must ask (out loud) why do we as family on the outside to the world pretend to look pretty put together? yet on the inside, behind the prying eyes of the public, ya know our church family, friends, we are just ugly and almost well, not almost, we ARE in denial about it all. like if anyone out in the world knew that i had ugly, they would act as if they didn't know me. why is that such a big influence on us? my husband is dealing with abuse in his past that was more or less ignored by all those who should have jumped up and cried STOP or at least NO. so this being said, our lives have been filled with other forms of him self medicating, or picking up some form of personal addiction to mask the pain from feeling abandoned. this isn't a great environment to live in.he is tortured. now on to the other point, i cannot explain to my children anymore why other people don't take the time to get to know them or just flat out favoritism to others. it is unexplainable as if i feel the need to make excuses for those who have wronged them, just so i can protect my children. when what i should be doing is helping them understand that i don't understand. i just don't get it, i don't know why someone would treat people with a double standard, especially family and really treat kids that way. i am trying to look with eyes of the Lord, but when i am in such a confused state of mind as to why your own family behave a certain way, i'm lost for vision. why do we love people outside our own family more than our own family? we look the other way i guess because of conviction, because of pride. i mean are we really ready to go through those growing Jesus pangs to see more clearly? do we admit our wrongs to those we have hurt so that we can help the hurting heal? do we accept responsibility for our actions, even though they were dumb, or involved favor to another? why is confrontation just that, a confrontation? shouldn't we want to not be a terrible person? shouldn't we want to be fair? i'm not saying our family is hellbound, what i am saying is that there has got to be a time when enough is enough. when you stand up and don't let that grievance come to a boiling point. you stand up and give control over to Jesus, and be willing to be sat down by Him. you go to that person and take responsibility for actions, be it malicious or accidental at the time. you be willing to accept what is being said to you, leave pride at the door and really listen, with your heart. don't judge them because you don't want to get dirty. go to them gently and restore them. love them, and yes by all means when you haven't seen them, do more than just think about them... CALL them, VISIT them. that is what makes the difference... being a doer of the Word, not just a hearer.