Wednesday, June 4, 2008
i am sitting here tonight, wondering ... well i am wondering quite a lot. why i haven't allowed myself to cry. why i haven't totally submitted myself to Christ. why i have hit a wall with acceptance. why i have become tolerant of disrespect. why i only allow faith to show up when i am too ignorant to understand how i got there in the first place. and most off all i am wondering what does Jesus see in me that i am missing ? Lord if you could give me a glimpse of what you see in me , wow !! wouldn't that solve a lot. i feel the Maker beconing the made. i crave to find rest in You. so i can pray, i can read, yet i realize, in my small brain, that all knowledge is pointless if i am not hearing the voice of my Savior. so as i listen to the screaming of the alarm clock at 5:30, the radio on in the car, the television throughout the day, have i drowned out the voice that i long to hear the most? that hurts.no really let that soak in my head for a minute... i have to make the time to seek His will. i have to seek His face and maybe, just maybe i will recognize His voice. this is something that , if you would please pray for me. i really think that i have just gotten confused with all that is running past me. as i am writing this, He spoke to me, through my husband. keith was on his way to behave as only can be described as fleshly. he walked back in the door after being gone a little while and told me that "my prayer was heard, whatever that means." this was a time when i had really prayed with my heart as only i know that He could know. keith didn't know why he needed to tell me that, but he did. didn't make sense to him, but it meant everything to me. that He is listening to me... now i need to listen to Him.
on saturday, may 31, we took joshua and a friend of his to a texas rangers baseball game.
he had a wonderful time and said "it was the best birthday ever." after the game, there was a fireworks show that was beautiful. so the rangers won, and my little man was happy. :)
i love you joshua...